We have had a crazy ride recently. We moved. It was unexpectedly expected. What do I mean by this? I mean we, as in my husband and I, had been talking about it for a long time and, yet, somehow never actually thought it would happen.
A little over 5 years ago my Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. She had surgery and that was, thankfully, all she needed. That sounds so simple, it wasn't. It was removal of the breast, drains, pain, fear, reconstruction of the breast eventually, more drains, more pain, more fear that it might return. From that point she wasn't ever quite the same. She became tired, very tired. She felt uneasy like her blood sugar was tanking all the time. Fast forward a few years and she has what is called Chronic Fatigue, though I don't know if that's the right diagnosis or if it's just the only thing the doctors know the call it.
My husband and I, in the whispers of night time talking before sleep, started to discuss her needing help. She either didn't realize it or wouldn't realize it. I was seeing her fatigue more and more. Washing sheets for one bed and putting them back on was a 2 - 3 day task instead of 2 hour task. We decided it was time to offer to move in with her and help her with daily life. This would mean massive changes for us. We had a farm. We had farm animals. We had a life, a church, friends, and lived 2 minutes from my mother-in-law who was also not in the best of health.
But it's what we had to do and felt was the right thing to do. We prayed, we talked, we discussed it with our kids, and we finally made the offer. She said no. We offered again, letting her know we were serious. She said no. We stopped offering and resigned ourselves to not knowing what she was going to do. We felt she was making a mistake not taking our offer. But it's her life.
Finally things seemed to change and I offered one last time. I am not even sure why I did, but it felt like I should. This time she cautiously accepted. We started to discuss plans and ideas of how this would work.
We found it quite easy to sell our animals. We have two friends who really wanted them, and we knew they would really care for them the way we would. I started to move things to her home slowly. We weren't going to sell our home and wanted to live with her part time. We would spend 60 - 70% of our time with her and the rest of the time just relaxing as a family on my husband's days off. This would also enable us to still attend our church that we had grown to love so much. It's a long drive each week, but so far it's working very well. We come "home" to my Mom's on Sunday right after church and then leave our Thursday afternoon, take the kids to music class, and spend the weekend at "home" in the country.
We are finally starting to get into a good groove and a routine. But with doctor appointments, school starting, the move, and my husband's job, things have been nuts. But the final calming of the insanity is nice.
Who knows what tomorrow brings with this set up. We are helping my Mom in many ways, and I hope it will be a long term thing so she doesn't have to make bigger decisions on living situations and how to be cared for. We did similar to this when my grandmother had Alzheimer's (she moved in with my Mom, but she was cared for by family). We moved to our last home to help care for my father-in-law so he could stay home instead of having to go into a nursing home. It's just something we believe in as a family. If possible, care for family. I will say, I hope my brother and his wife can move back to our state eventually. That would give some help if she gets worse or never gets better.
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