When Life Isn't Easy

When our older son regressed at 2 years old in a single day we had a very new world introduced to us. When our younger son couldn't sleep, couldn't stop crying, and was throwing up all of his meals as an infant, we have a very new world introduced to us. But, eventually, we felt we would understand the new world, get used to how it worked, and the heartache would lessen because it would become our new normal. Eventually even hard becomes your routine so you don't have the constant ache of the newness.

The problem with that thought is ... life doesn't work that way with special needs.

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What we thought was a one time regression, was just the first of many regressions our son would have throughout his life. We didn't realize he would learn to add, subtract, and write only to lose them in the blink of an eye. We had no clue he would learn to pay for his little toy he had saved up for only to not understand what that process was overnight. None of this was explained to us and I never read it on a blog, website, magazine, or medical journal. This keeps the heartache fresh. Just as you finally peel off the band aid from the wound, it's like you hear "not so fast, friend" and it starts to hurt all over again.

When our younger son got older we felt he would grow out of some of his anxiety and other issues that seemed to have plagued him since he was a few days old. When he got his feeding tube we figured this is as bad as his eating will get. We got this under control. We didn't realize after a year on the tube we would put a child to bed after a small supper and a small tube feed and wake up with a child that needed 100% meal replacement because he wouldn't eat a single bite. We didn't know. No one told us it could cycle that like.

To make it all worse, most doctors don't seem to grasp any of this. You go to them in a state of shock and sadness to ask for their help and they tell you they haven't ever seen this or, they have seen it and have no idea what causes it. They send you home to deal with what they, as medical professionals, don't even know how to deal with themselves. You, as a parent, are supposed to know what they haven't been taught.

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It's a hard place to be, and it doesn't seem to let up for so many. It's also a situation that is foreign to most people in our world. When you grieve, have heartache, or have pain, it's usually for a time, for a season. You lose a loved one and are stricken with sadness, but you eventually move to a lesser and lesser amount of pain as you carry the wonderful memories of that person and, if you are a believer in Christ, with hope. But, when you live a life where you start to get your feet under you finally after a huge shock or loss, only to have the rug pulled out again and again, that point doesn't seem to truly come.

What can you do? 

Here's what I have learned:

1) Allow yourself to feel the pain - No, don't live in it. Don't let it consume every part of you. But allow yourself to feel that initial grief, sadness, pain, frustration, and whatever other feelings come. 

2) Find your strength - MY strength comes from my faith, my deeply held belief that there is a God, a Creator of all, a lover of souls, a Savior, a comforter and friend. Honestly, without that, there are days I would completely crumble. I have seen miraculous things and my hope is in one who cannot be changed or destroyed. 

3) Accept this is your new normal - Eventually you have to say to yourself, "OK, this is where I live" and learn to navigate it. You have to. If you want to thrive, you MUST. I know it stinks. It's not where you wanted to be, but reality is ... it's where you are. You have to deal with reality. 

4) Accept that your new normal might change at any minute - I hate change. I like knowing what's coming over the horizon. Yeah, well, joke's on me. I live in an environment where the child I put to bed is often very different from the child I wake up with in the morning. So, I have to take each day, each moment, as it comes. I have to look at a situation and say, "wait, is this a new normal again or just a temporary hiccup". Then I make a battle plan and move forward. The enemy is moving, living, and changing, just like in a war. You have to allow yourself to change with it. Period. 

I would love to say I have this down pat. I don't. I cried to my husband this week that it wasn't fair and was too hard. He held me and told me he knew and understood. He didn't tell me to "allow yourself to feel the pain, find your strength, accept this is your new normal ... " He just held me and let me cry. But, eventually I start to move forward with it, I do work to move to a healthier view of what's happening, and I make a new plan to help my kids. Honestly, I am so grateful to have my husband beside me, and even more thankful I have a Savior that loves and strengthens me because I truly don't know how I would make it another step some days without it. 

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Children and God

Then there arose a reasoning among them, which of them should be greatest. And Jesus, perceiving the thought of their heart, took a child, and set him by him, And said unto them, Whosoever shall receive this child in my name receiveth me: and whosoever shall receive me receiveth him that sent me: for he that is least among you all, the same shall be great. Luke 9:46-48

Jesus spoke about children and used children as an example in His teachings often. This wasn't by accident. Jesus did NOTHING on a whim. He had a purpose for every example, ever story, every word He said. He used a child, probably a very young child, to make His point with His disciples. This child was probably one they would have passed by without a second look. Or, they might have looked over, smiled at the game he was playing, and then walked past. But Jesus saw this child very differently. He saw the lesson to be learned.

These men were standing in the presence of our Savior and instead of just listening and learning and helping they were debating on who would be greater. Hello, if you don't know the answer, JESUS.

I see this story from so many angles.

1) I see a Savior who loves us so much He will continue to teach us over and over and over. He taught the disciples so many times, and continued to do so even until His last day on earth. He is so patient with us, so kind, so merciful.

2) I see a Savior who expected us to get His lessons and start living them. He didn't let us wallow. He said "here's how to live, now go do it."

3) I see a Savior that saw the inherent value in children. They were not little things that would eventually have worth when they could have a job, contribute to society, or bear a child. They had worth and value right where they were.

This is so important for us, as adults, to learn. We need to heed His advice, but we also need to know that when we mess up (and we will) He is willing to be there to guide us back to the narrow gate. He loves us and wants to be with us. He will keep teaching if we are willing to listen.

But, we have to start listening. We can't keep making excuses. Oh, I am speaking to me here more than anyone else. We have got to start looking at what Jesus is showing us and then just do it. No excuses, no buts, just do it.

Last, we need to value children. We need to love them, teach them, guide them, and disciple them. They have worth from the second they are conceived. We need to remember that because Jesus worked hard to not let us forget it.

And, for our kids, they need to know they have worth simply because God loves them. He sees them not as the kid with braces, that funny kid who walks oddly, or the slow kid who can't keep up. He sees a beautiful child and longs to help that child grow in Him and His favor.

Coexist?

I was driving home yesterday with my youngest son in the back seat and I passed a car with a coexist bumper sticker on the back window. I am sure you know the one I am talking about.

There are other forms, but they are all basically the same at their core design. I have seen these many times over the years. Many ... many times. I never paid them much attention other than an eyeroll in their direction. That was until yesterday.

Yesterday was different. I saw this sticker and actually gave it some thought. What is this asking us to do in society? Well, let's break it down.

The definition of coexist is:

Verb (used without object)

1. to exist together or at the same time

2. to exist separately or independently but peaceably, often while remaining rivals or adversaries 

OK, that sounds basic enough. Let's take it further. What about the words exist, rivals, and adversaries?

EXIST

Verb (used without object)

1. To have actual being; be:

2. to have life or animation; live

3. to continue to be or live

ADVERSARY

Noun, plural adversaries

1. a person, group, or force that opposes or attacks; opponent; enemy; foe

2. a person, group, etc., that is an opponent in a contest; contestant

RIVAL

Noun

1. a person who is competing for the same object or goal as another, or who tries to equal or outdo another; competitor

2. a person or thing that is in a position to dispute another's preeminence or superiority. 

Now that we are all working from the same place, because we can't discuss what we don't actually know, let's move forward. If I see this bumper sticker, what is it literally asking me to do? Well, according to the English language dictionaries on hand, it's asking everyone to exist at the same time as people who are different from you in any way while NOT stopping being against them or their beliefs. 

Hmm, as I look at it that way, I am following the request of that bumper sticker. I am on the planet, living with people who are 100% against me and my beliefs while I am 100% against their beliefs. I dare say I am not even trying to hurt or kill them, though that's not a full requirement (one part does mention peaceably, but we can choose that one or not). 

However, I have a sneaky suspicion that's not really what these bumper stickers are requesting of us, not truly. What they are really asking is for us to lay down our differences, call them nothing, and change to what the person with the car thinks is a logical and good way of living. By the way, this isn't coexisting, this is changing others at their deepest core being or causing issues with them, calling them names, and even trying to force their compliance. Don't believe me? Look at the other stickers that often are on the same bumpers/back windows. You will see a full picture of what most of these drivers actually want.

With the reality of what these stickers are asking, I say no. I won't coexist using their twisted and personal definition. Here's what I will do:

1) I will love every person on the face of the planet with a Biblical and Godly love to the best of my ability: "And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these." Mark 12:31

2) I will love God above all others in order to share the love of Christ through my actions and words:  "And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment." Mark 12:30

3) I will never harm another person for no reason:  "Thou shalt not kill." Exodus 20:13

4) I will stand for Godly principles in my life in all situations: "Whosoever therefore shall confess Me before men, him will I confess also before My Father who is in Heaven." Matthew 10:32

5) I will not go quietly into the night, instead sharing the promise, grace, hope, and mercy of God's salvation message to anyone who will take the time to listen: "Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen."  Matthew 28:19-20

6) I will teach my children to do the same: "And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up." Deuteronomy 11:19 ... so they can go into the world as strong Godly men who love others more than themselves: "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6

So, I am coexisting, in fact God taught us how to coexist in the best way possible. We aren't taught to kill in His name. We aren't taught to force compliance from others to our will, or even His. We aren't taught to hate in His name. We aren't taught to demand others listen to the Gospel or die/suffer consequences. We are taught to love God, love others (our neighbor is everyone in the history of time), and to share God's promise with those who would listen. 

Coexist? Yes. Coexist how the world has twisted the meaning? Never. God's way or man's? The two cannot coexist. Which shall you choose?

Questions That Come Up

I was chatting with my Mom the other day about us going out on Easter Sunday. I mentioned how surprised I was by the number of businesses that were closed on that day. After all, everyone seems to be pushing to open up on Christmas day, so I figured Easter would be no big deal. She said something that got me thinking about the topic more. Her reply was simple enough, "good for them". She was happy they were closing up business on Easter.

Then my brain does what it seems to enjoy, it goes off on it's own thinking about it on a deeper level. Society seems to be in two camps. Open up every day because one day is no different then the next with regards to religious meaning or close down on Christian celebrated days or you are a bad person. But, what about Jewish holidays/Biblical feasts?

Why aren't stores closed on Passover? Rosh Hashanah? Yom Kippur? The list goes on. We admit that God ordained these days. We even see Christ celebrating them in the New Testament. His last time with His disciples was over a Passover meal. But no one even worries if a store is closed on those days.

I don't get it. Bunnies, eggs, lights, and trees are worth closing for, God saving the entire Jewish population through plague and miracles is overlooked.

Let's just get one thing straight. Even if we celebrate Christmas, Easter, etc, they ARE man created days. Why do we gripe that on man created days stores don't close but on God created days they are open? It really makes no sense to me at all.

Feasts are not just for Jews. They are for all followers of God. It's just where my brain went. It just seems to backwards to me. I haven't understood it for a long time. Maybe someone else has the answer, I know I don't.

If you don't know about the feasts, please take some time to dig into your Bible and discover their beauty. Every single one points to a savior. And, that Savior is Jesus. He is the fulfillment but not the abolishment of the law. We are free to celebrate without legalism. We do so out of love and obedience not in order to be justified and sanctified. Those only come from Christ's death and resurrection. Our faith in Him provides eternal life after His sacrifice. But it doesn't discount our obedience to Him in all things.

Below is a neat graphic that even shows the correlation between the feasts and Jesus as our Savior.

Salvation Can Be Yours

With so much going on this weekend tied to easter bunnies, easter eggs, and chocolate, I wanted to take a moment to share the real meaning for anything we do. If we celebrate this weekend, let's forget those extras and just focus on what we claim to be honoring, the resurrection of our Savior. Salvation can be yours if you believe in Him who made all the days. 

Purim is Here!

Tonight is the start of Purim. (sundown 3/23 - sundown 3/24) Though we are not Jewish in our faith, our Savior was and, we love to celebrate and honor the times He did. We find such a richness in the holy days and celebrations tied to Biblical history and those days commanded of the Jews to celebrate. It's amazing, when you look at Jewish celebrations and Holy days, how they all point to the need of a Savior and to the beautiful Savior that came to us so long ago.

If you don't know the story of WHY Purim exists, let me share that with you now.

A long time ago there was a King of the Persian Empire named Ahashverush.  At a very lavish and decadent party, while rather drunk, he gave an order to his Queen, Vashti. She denied his order and he had her executed for her disobedience. This left him to search for a new queen. 

Eventually the woman chosen to fill the role of Queen was a Jewish woman named Esther. As a principled and morally sound woman grounded in Jewish values, Esther did everything she could to avoid being chosen. Nevertheless, the King favored her above all and she was chosen to be the next Queen, all the while hiding her Jewish identity. 

Esther had a very close and loving relative named Mordechai who remained supportive of her through her tragic situation.  Mordechai stayed close to the palace in order to hear news from Esther and it was there that he overheard of a plan to assassinate the King.  He quickly told Esther of the plan and Esther, in Mordechai’s name, told the King.  Although the King had chronicled that Mordechai the Jew had saved his life in his Book of Chronicles, the good deed was quickly forgotten. 

Enter Haman- King Ahashverush’s anti- Semitic and narcissistic prime minister who required the people to bow down to him. When Mordechai refused to bow, Haman became enraged and devised a calculated plan to destroy Mordechai together with the entire Jewish people.  In order to convince the King to allow him to carry out his plans, Haman went to the King with his anti-Semitic propaganda and lies thereby making the Jews appear worthless in the eyes of the King.   Influenced by Haman, the King permitted him to kill all the Jews on one day, the 13^th day in the Jewish month of Adar, as per Haman’s plan. 

Once aware of this horrific plot Esther and Mordechai set in motion a very risky plan to save every Jewish man, woman and child in the vast empire.  Esther had to put her own self in mortal danger in order to save the lives of all the Jewish people.  The plan would take time and it involved her having to reveal her Jewish identity, appear before the King uninvited and make special preparations in order to expose Haman’s lies.  Only then could she petition to the King to annul the decree.  They were working with a deadline of the 13^th of Adar and used their time wisely to plan, pray, fast and repent before attempting to save the Jewish nation. 

One night, the King was having difficulty sleeping and to pass the time, had his Book of Chronicles read to him.  Upon coming to the section regarding Mordechai having saved his life, King Ahashverush realized that Mordechai had never been royally honored for this! Meanwhile, as the King was thinking of ways in which to carry out the honor, Haman was on his way to visit the King.  He just couldn’t shake his hatred for Mordechai who had again refused to bow down to him.  He came to request permission for Mordechai to be hanged in advance of the 13^th of Adar. Haman had it all worked out and would hang Mordechai on the gallows he had built for this purpose.  Upon Haman’s visit, and before Haman could ask for permission, the King asked his loyal prime minister for his suggestion regarding a suitable honor for someone whom the King favored.  Haman thought that he was the one in favor and thus suggested that it be regaland publicized.  The King agreed and instructed Haman to take Mordechai out on the streets of Shushan and show him this honor!  In other words, Haman had to be the one to carry out the King’s request and show Mordechai honor- on the very night he intended to have him killed!  

 All the while, Esther had strategically planned a feast for the King and Haman set for shortly after this.  Haman was looking forward to his private audience with the royal couple as it reconfirmed his importance, however, it was there that Haman’s demise began. Esther used this planned opportunity to reveal herself as a Jew and petitioned to the King for her life and the lives of her people who were destined to die due to the decree Haman had influenced the King to sign off on. The King, having been previously unaware that his beloved Esther was a Jew, was angered at having been duped by Haman had him hanged on the very gallows that Haman had built to hang Mordechai!  The King then made Mordechai the new prime minister who then set a new decree for the 13^th of Adar - allowing the Jews kill their enemies instead!!

If you don't know this story well, or are interested in more of the story's details, check out the Book of Esther in the Bible. Yep, the whole book. Really, it's not long.

So, what does one do to celebrate Purim? Let me start with this.

As with our celebration of Hanukkah, we do not celebrate these days to put ourselves under the law. We are redeemed by the sacrifice Christ made on the cross and His defeat of death by rising from the grave. Under His grace are we given eternal life.

No, we celebrate as a way to honor Him. If you look at all the holy days and celebrations in the Jewish history, you will see one thing. You will find they all point to a savior, and, more importantly, to Jesus as that Savior. Add in that our Savior celebrated Biblical holy days, and we want to walk as He walked. We don't have 100% proof He celebrated Purim since it's considered a minor feast, but He celebrated Hanukkah (as noted in the Bible) so minor feasts were something He took as important. There is some evidence that He probably celebrated and that it was the feast mentioned in John 5.

Now, on to the fun of Purim. Yes, it is known as a fun celebration.

• Normally time is spent in worship service if your church has one. Since ours doesn't, we will spend the evening at home reading God's word, singing songs of worship, and celebrating our need for a Savior and that fulfillment in Christ. When the reading of Esther happens, it's fun to boo or stomp your feet when Haman is mentioned and cheer when Mordechai is spoken about.
•  The eating of the Hamantaschen. Yummy. Jelly filled little cookies, also known as Haman's ears. 
• Gifts for others. This is usually food, already cooked food. It's common to deliver these yourself, and often on the way home from your worship time. These are frequently tasty treats. 
• Charity - giving to the poor is a big part of this feast. It's a way of expressing thanks for our Salvation and deliverance. 
• Purim meal - party in the dining room. Kids often dress up, you light the candle, and eat fun and festive foods at the meal. This should be a joyous time. Don't forget more Hamantaschen. 

There are three blessings of Purim that are recited during worship services.

So, take a moment to thank God for His only begotten Son today. Without Him there would be no true deliverance and salvation. There would be no reason for celebration. There would be no reason for hope. 

By the way, want a simple tutorial on Hamantaschen? Check it out!

Do We Have a Right to Be Offended?

I was reading an article (linked below) a few days ago about being offended by others speech on college campuses. It really made me start thinking about the topic of freedom of speech vs. being offended by others.

Tennessee Bill Would End Students Gripefest

Let me start with this ...

I am part of a community that is very big on verbiage. Don't say the R word, use person first language when talking about a child, etc. Oh, we could go on for hours with how you must communicate with people in the special needs and medical problems world. Honestly, we should just print a "Talking to Parents of Kids with Special Needs for Dummies" book. It's amazing anyone wants to talk to us at all. Add in everyone else who is offended by anything else anyone says any time and any place and I am shocked anyone ever opens their mouth.

College campuses are starting to become a ridiculous jungle of whiny baby protecting with the coddling going on in the now dubbed "Safe Spaces".

Infantilized College Students Need Safe Space to Avoid Scary Free Speech

One has to wonder if these kids in college will declare their office a safe space when they get their first job where such things as "you didn't do this report like I needed", "meeting in 15", "we need to talk about your performance" and "you're fired" can't be said because they don't like it.

When is it enough?

When did we, the land of the free, home of the brave, decide we had an inalienable right to NOT be offended? We are the biggest offenders of all time. I bet a certain leader of a certain country that is known for liking tea was a bit offended when said tea went off the side of the boat. I bet there was a lot of offense when those names were signed on that piece of paper stating we weren't going to take it anymore.

What happened to us?

I don't know. I just don't. It's to the point I want to just shake my head almost everyday. I used to be one of these people who was slightly offended if you didn't use my rules for speech around me. But, as I started to think about it, I couldn't figure out how I decided I had a right to put those rules onto others.

Is some speech rude? Yes, very much.
Is some speech polite? Yes, very much.
Are some words better off not said? Absolutely.
Do I have a right to be offended if my neighbor says something non-threatening that I don't like? NO!

Let's see what God's word says about being offended. I mean, maybe we DO have a right, a holy right, to be offended.

The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression. Proverbs 19:11

Also take no heed unto all words that are spoken; lest thou hear thy servant curse thee: For oftentimes also thine own heart knoweth that thou thyself likewise hast cursed others. Ecclesiastes 7:21-22

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: James 1:19

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: 1 Peter 5:8

If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye; for the spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you: on their part he is evil spoken of, but on your part he is glorified. 1 Peter 4:14 

Oh, wait, that last one gives us permission, though it would not be us wanting to be offended by hurt nonetheless. However, that's only in the name of Christ and someone saying poopy in front of me does not fall under that category. 

So, what do we do? 

Simple ... GROW UP!

If someone offends you here are the steps you should take:

1. Ask yourself if you are just being far, far too sensitive. If so, get over it. 
2. If not, ask yourself does this matter in the grand scheme of life. If not, get over it. 
3. If so, ask yourself if the way you want to handle it will destroy your testimony. If so, get over it or change what your reaction is. 
4. If not, talk to the person with respect and the love of Christ. You might win an eternal brother that day. 
5. If they refuse to stop, ramp it up, or anything other than being kind, WALK AWAY. Just shut your mouth, turn around, and walk off. 

I have no right to dictate other people's language. Yes, even as a special needs Mom. I have no right to demand people not say certain words, use certain terminology for my kids issues, and so on. It doesn't matter to them. Honestly, it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of life, and all it will do is cause division. 

Best one I have seen yet: Yes, that even means if I have a child with developmental delays and my friend calls me up to tell me her child just learned to ride a bike and is very excited. Yes, I know people that are very offended at that type of phone call/conversation. You are not to call them/talk to them in a store or social setting and tell them anything good your child does if their child can't or isn't doing it yet because it's offensive. However, you MUST listen to all of their vents, gripes, and concerns with their children anytime they call, see you at a store, or visit your home without rolling your eyes, sighing or getting tired of it. Of course, you can't comment because that's offensive since you aren't a parent of children with special needs and, therefore, have no clue what you are talking about with your advice. Where is God's love in this scenario? It's not all about us. We have got to love others and be concerned about them, be excited for them, and be a true friend to them no matter what our circumstances are in life.

As I said, what happened to us? 

It all boils down to three words. GET OVER IT! 

Stomping Poppies

I think poppies are a beautiful flower. Maybe it's because I am partial to red. Maybe it's too much time spent watching The Wizard of Oz. 

No matter the reason, I think poppies are lovely. Even poets felt their beauty was enough to be cherished forever in print.

In Flanders Fields

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place: and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie,
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch: be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

by John McCrae (1872-1918)

But, did you know there is a context in which poppies are not treated with such respect? I recently learned this term and it makes so much sense to me being the Mom of a child with gifts that others don't have. 

Tall Poppy Syndrome

The tall poppy syndrome is a pejorative term primarily used in the United Kingdom, Australia, New Zealand, and other Anglosphere nations to describe a social phenomenon in which people of genuine merit are resented, attacked, cut down, or criticised because their talents or achievements elevate them above or distinguish them from their peers. This is similar to begrudgery, the resentment or envy of the success of a peer.

A similar saying occurs in Chinese and Japanese culture that translates to "The nail that stands out gets hammered down". - Wikipedia

I am sure many of you have seen this. We often feel like putting people in their place who we feel are better at us than something, and I am not sure why. So what? They have a talent or are gifted in an area we aren't. It doesn't make us less, inferior, or unworthy. It makes us different. If we all carried the same gifts and talents the world would be boring and no one could find their passion.

But, when you see it happen to a child, it's just sad. We have someone in our lives that does this any chance she gets. She is trying so hard to best us, even when she starts the conversation about our children and asks questions about them. I am thinking she believes we see a Mom who has kids that are far more awesome than our kids. But, what we really see is a woman who is insecure, sad, and full of fear. Instead of thinking her kids are better than mine (by the way, they are in high school and college, hard to compare the accomplishments of a 20 year old to an elementary aged student) I feel sorry for her. I wonder why she needs to cut the heads off the tall poppies in her life. What is she missing that makes her want to do this? Needless to say, we won't be sharing the news of our son being gifted with her. I just can't deal with more poppy stomping. And I won't put my son in her line of fire.

So, we smile, nod, and walk away. There's no reason to engage her. Her desire is to drag our kids and us down, so we don't allow this to happen. The next time you meet up with a Poppy stomper, take a harder look at them. You will see the insecurities and sadness we see in our acquaintance. Once you do, I hope your feelings turn to pity and sadness for their lives rather than anger or frustration at what they are doing. Let your poppies thrive and keep those clipper happy gardeners out because, what they ultimately need, is God. He can fill whatever void they have in their lives that make them desire to hurt others.

Conversation With Our Son

My 8 year old son and I had a conversation Sunday afternoon that reminded me of a Bible verse in 1 Corinthians.

What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's. - 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

He was laying on the sofa after talking Daddy into a nice long back scratch (he does take after me in some things) and this is how our conversation went:

Littlest Mr. "Momma, do you know what arms and legs and eyes are for?"

Me: "What do YOU think they are for."

Littlest Mr. "I think feet are to take you where God wants you to go. Arms are to do the work he wants you to do. Eyes are so you can see the people He wants you to tell about Him. Ears are so they can hear what you say about Him. And a mouth is to tell the world about God."

I couldn't have said it better myself little man. Of course, it also reminded me of another passage once I was done speaking to him.

And said unto him, Hearest thou what these say? And Jesus saith unto them, Yea; have ye never read, Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings thou hast perfected praise? - Matthew 21;16

I always tell our kids that God can use them, even when they are young. Today was perfect proof of that. You are never too young, too old, too anything, to be used by God. Just be willing to let your arms, eyes, ears, feet, and mouth work for Him.

SO Not Pollyanna

How many of you remember who Pollyanna is? She's a little girl in a movie named after her character. She was known for seeing the sunny side of life no matter what. Pollyanna is a term often used to make fun of people who are always chipper or glass half full types. 

neg·a·tiv·i·ty

ˌneɡəˈtivədē/

noun

1. the expression of criticism of or pessimism about something.
2. 
   
3. The world, however, thrives on negativity. It cherishes whining, complaining, and griping. It welcomes it. And, honestly, the church is often just as bad. 

I have a confession. Negativity, focusing on the bad, is one of my struggles. Oh, I am not outright dissing people with gossip all the time (though I did partake). But it's the glass is not just half empty but it's probably not even filled with something I like type thinking that was getting me. 

The thing is, no one said a word to me about it, not even my friends and family. I live with children who have a lot of struggles. I live with a husband in a hard line of work. People understood when I complained or whined. They took pity on me. The fed the fire. 

Then, 2 Sundays ago, our pastor spoke from Ecclesiastes and about how we spend more time whining and complaining than we do with God each day. He mentioned Facebook, social media, and just flat out unhappiness with our situation. He asked if we spent as much time on things of God as we do with negative thinking. He didn't ask us to speak out, but in my head I was screaming, "NO! I DON'T". 

Unbeknownst to me, my husband was having the same conviction. You know how you walk out of church with a bit of a headache from the proverbial spiritual 2"x4" between the eyes from a really good sermon? Yeah, I think we were both rubbing for a while. 

I decided to try hard to make a change in my life. 

Not only am I trying hard to focus on God more in my day, to lean on Him more, and to have deeper and more meaningful prayers, but I am working hard on watching my words and my thoughts. I want them to be pleasing to God and a blessing to those who hear them. 

Here's the problem with that second part. It's HARD. It's so hard. I never, ever realized how much I spoke in a way God wouldn't be pleased with. I felt justified in complaining or talking about how others hadn't done me right. I mean, they should treat me right and my life WAS hard. But, eventually I had to say to myself, SO WHAT! 

OK, someone ticked me off. So what. 

Someone wasn't nice to me or hurt me. So what. 

It takes me a long time each day to deal with medical issues or special needs my kids have. SO WHAT! 

Christ took a beating like no one alive today can imagine. He was taken near death and plucked back just before he died at their hands only to have to carry a heavy piece of wood (which would have been hard for the healthiest of men) and then was nailed to that piece of wood in excruciating pain. Wahh, poor me. 

It's still hard. I work at it every day. I work at it every single minute of every single day. Sin is like that, isn't it? You fall into it so easily, almost without realizing it at the time. Then, when you want out it's the hardest thing in the world at the time. 

I tell you this not to hold myself up as some shining example. Please, don't be like me. Be like Christ. No, I tell you this for two reasons. 

1. I want to admit I am a sinner who struggles with hard things and to share so I am more accountable for my words and thoughts. 
2. I hope someone else might look into God's word on the subject if they are also struggling with this same issue.

 We need to turn back to God. We need to spend more time thinking about God, doing His will, and worshiping Him than anything else, but especially with thinking about our own hardships and lives (and ESPECIALLY the doings of others)

If you are wondering about the passage our pastor spoke from, it's in Ecclesiastes 3. Actually it's was a much smaller portion but I wanted to share it and the next week's portion since they obviously so together so beautifully in thought. 

What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth? I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it. He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end. I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life. And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God. I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him. That which hath been is now; and that which is to be hath already been; and God requireth that which is past. And moreover I saw under the sun the place of judgment, that wickedness was there; and the place of righteousness, that iniquity was there. I said in mine heart, God shall judge the righteous and the wicked: for there is a time there for every purpose and for every work. I said in mine heart concerning the estate of the sons of men, that God might manifest them, and that they might see that they themselves are beasts. For that which befalleth the sons of men befalleth beasts; even one thing befalleth them: as the one dieth, so dieth the other; yea, they have all one breath; so that a man hath no preeminence above a beast: for all is vanity. All go unto one place; all are of the dust, and all turn to dust again. Who knoweth the spirit of man that goeth upward, and the spirit of the beast that goeth downward to the earth? Wherefore I perceive that there is nothing better, than that a man should rejoice in his own works; for that is his portion: for who shall bring him to see what shall be after him? - Ecclesiastes 3:9-22 (KJV)

Judge Not ... (not what you think)

Judging others has become almost an art form in our society. We base our opinions about people on their looks, their clothes, their manner of speech, their children, their lack of children, the number of children they have, their husband/wife, their job, their home, their car, the number of credit cards in their wallet, the list goes on!

But, out of all the judging in the world, Moms seem to not only be the worse but have it pretty bad. We judge each other for everything, down to the hair on our kids heads. Worst of all, however, we judge ourselves the harshest.

We constantly compare ourselves to other Moms out there. They all seem to be doing it better than we are. We see a tiny snippet of their lives (and I do mean tiny) and think they are doing it so much better than we are, and it needs to stop. That's the enemy talking, tearing us down, hurting us which, in turn, hurts our children.

Look Moms, we are all in this together. Each of us has our strengths and weaknesses. No Mom has it all figured out. None. We all need to stand together and support one another. We need to hold each other up in prayer and when we see a Mom struggling, that nose we like to look down needs to be lowered so we can see a Mom in need. We need to soften our hearts with God's help and love our neighbor (Mom). We need to stop looking at the Mom in the store with two crying children begging for candy and assume maybe they skipped their naps due to an emergency and Mom is just here trying to pick up a few things for supper after spending a long day dealing with something unplanned. We need to not look down our noses at the woman whose child is wearing no shoes and has unbrushed hair thinking maybe that little guy just tossed his shoes off in the car for the umpteenth time and Mom just finally packed them in the diaper bag to save a little of her sanity.

Hmm, sound familiar?

No matter how well coifed another Mom's hair is, no matter how pretty her kids perfect dresses are, no matter how well they walk hand-in-hand in the store, you didn't see that she wrestled with them for 45 minutes sweating bullets to get those outfits on them. You don't know that this is the one day every few months she actually makes it to the salon and since they styled her hair just before she walked in the store, it still looks good. But, give her another half hour and it will be all over the place. You didn't see that her perfect children had been throwing toys at each other all morning and she just wanted to hide in the bathroom because she was sure she was messing her children up each and every day.

Hmm, sound even more familiar?

Or, even more importantly, you see that Mom at the store who you can tell is at the end of her rope, a child is melting down in her cart, another is tugging at her skirt, she's trying to pick up some produce, and you can tell she just wants to go into a corner and cry. Her reason doesn't matter. Maybe it's special needs issues, maybe medical for one of them, herself, her husband, another family member. Maybe her husband just left, died, or is never home. Maybe she is lacking so much confidence that she just needs someone to come along side her, put an arm around her shoulder and tell her she can do this. God will lead her and she CAN love and parent these children. You just don't know. So, instead of putting your nose in the air, bow your head. Pray for her to be filled, to receive what she needs, and to know she is a child of God that is loved beyond measure. And, if the opportunity arrives, smile at her. Maybe tell her you know how hard it is and are praying for her. Maybe just give that Mom look that speaks volumes such as "been there, you got this".

It all comes from love. Do we have the love of God or not? If we do, it should radiate from us, especially to other Moms. We are in their shoes. They are the people we should easily relate to in this world. Let's not hurt each other in the way we do. The little decisions we make don't matter. What matters is our Heavenly Father's love for us and for them.

Do We Really Trust Him?

Trust is hard in this day and age. Food companies say "natural" and they are filled with junk. Politicians say "trust me" and they lie through their teeth. Friends build up your faith in them only to turn tail and run to the nearest ear to gossip into. Trust is hard. But, we find it's a lot harder when we put our trust and faith in the wrong place.

We can prepare all we want, we should prepare for life's battles. But, when it comes down to it, our safety and well being rest solely in one place, our Lord and Savior's hands. If we haven't fully trusted Him for our lives and our path, we work in vain.

My husband has a job that plays this out so well. I have told him since we were engaged, "You are safer standing fully unprotected on the worst streets in this world wit God on your side than you are in our home, armed to the teeth, with locks up and down the door with God not on your side, so I will just hold you up in prayer." Nope, he hasn't been unharmed in his career. He has been hurt. But, I know God's hand is in his life and working for good. Every time he's been hurt the end result was good. The end result wasn't ever supposed to be about if he had harm come to him, it was something else. He was the tool. Sometimes tools get hurt in their proper use.

Our new pastor shared a passage with us yesterday via text.

The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun. Is there any thing whereof it may be said, See, this is new? it hath been already of old time, which was before us. Ecclesiastes 1:9-10

God has seen it all. He knows it all. We know a tiny, tiny bit of a tiny, tiny piece of an infinite puzzle that's not even been laid out fully for us to see. And, yet, we trust ourselves more than the Creator of the universe. How misplaced our thoughts and plans are.

 Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest. Joshua 1:9

When Church Is ....

The subject of this post is, when church is hard EASY!

As parents of kids with special needs and medical issues, church has proven to be hard over the last 8+ years. Even the best intentioned people can make something that should be simple (church attendance) a huge chore or impossible. Let me share some of the things we have faced over the years. 

• A Sunday School teacher who wouldn't keep our sons in the classroom until we picked them up even though one was prone to elopement and I was 100% willing to leave from my class a few minutes early in order to be at the door the second her class was done. This left my kids wandering the hallways and me running in a panic to make sure I caught up with them. 
• A nursery assistant director who insisted our son HAD to have his bottle while sitting in a moving swing. He has SPD and would get ill swinging in the best situation, but with food in his mouth ... yeah. 
• A children's area at a major mega church just for kids with special needs not grasping food restrictions (even though many kids had them) and just letting my child go into a full force meltdown over not being able to have a snack like everyone else (he had what I sent and didn't understand) instead of just trying to help him through it or paging me to come help him through it. It ended up with turned over furniture while these "highly trained" helpers just made it worse and worse when he just needed help working through it as he didn't understand. 
• No one wanting to really be your friend in church or caring to get to know you because you couldn't be a core member. You might have to miss some Sundays because one of your children had their fatigue hit so hard getting from the bed to the sofa was too much for them. You can't teach Sunday school (and you don't take your kids anyway because of the issues above) because you know you aren't reliable and that's not fair to commit to something you can't do. Etc, etc, etc, etc, etc. 

We had taken a nose dive in our attendance because of these issues and feeling shut out from even small churches that have a very set idea of what church members should do and be. We want to do those things, we can't at this point in our lives. Then we got a pastor who, as we identified it, didn't bring the meat, only watered down skim milk, and church was too hard. It shouldn't have been, but it was. It was a chore to even think about getting dressed for church, much less actually doing it. 

So, we didn't. We just stopped. But we yearned so much for it. We wanted it for our kids. We needed it for us. We missed it and our lives were not better for not going. 

We started to look around and just couldn't find a church that would love us, allow us to love them, and also really walked what the Bible taught. 

That's when my mother-in-law stepped in. Oddly enough, she's not a church goer (though she's a believer, she was hurt by the church as a kid/teen and won't really go back). But she told us about a church someone she knew attended. We finally got around to trying it. WOW!! I mean, knock your socks off wow! 

It was a tiny church, and I mean 5 - 6 cars in the lot during Sunday school hour. But the pastor is on fire for God. We felt loved the second we walked into the sanctuary. We heard and sang uplifting music to worship our Savior. The sermon was incredible and very Biblical without apology but stemming from love. We walked out that first service and our younger son looked at us and said, "I loved that church, can we start going there." Wow. I looked over at the end of the service and saw my two sons holding hands as we had our closing prayer. HOLDING HANDS. 

We decided to try them again. We opted for night service because you really see who the core of the church is that way. Almost everyone who was in morning service was in evening service. That says a lot to me. I got to hear about how they serve together regularly. Every other week they serve the community. They have more unscheduled things they do as well as needs arise. They believe in meeting a need before it's requested with a humble servant's heart modeled after Christ when He washed the disciples feet. 

My husband and I did have concerns about the typical stuff that comes with our special circumstances with our kids. He asked me to call the pastor to talk to him about it since I really knew their issues best. I called him yesterday morning and expected to leave him a message since he has a full time job outside of being a pastor. He answered the phone and gave me his undivided attention. I explained where we were coming from and told him not only did I want to introduce our family on a deeper level, but I wanted to see what he felt about our family joining the church knowing, ahead of time, what our situation was. He did not hesitate to tell me how welcome we were, how they were there to help every member deepen their faith in Christ no matter their need. He said guilt would never be thrown at us if we couldn't come due to the kid's issues. He said they were there to love us, help us grow, hold us up to God's standards, and to serve our family as brothers and sisters in Christ. You could tell he meant it, it wasn't just a sell job. 

So, this Sunday, we will be seeking membership with this church. We are so excited. I haven't been excited about church in years. This church seems to make it easy to come together as the body of Christ to worship and learn about our God. 

Today Was a Huge Blessing to Our Family

A Blessing for You for Today

I can write a lot of pretty words, but I can never say it as well as God's word.

Sick of the Attack on Men

I am sick of the attack on men and their character. This day and age you will find it in every corner from the media to women's blogs to books, and the list goes on. The overwhelming consensus is, men are idiots.

Well, media/ladies/world, I have some news for you. Men are NOT idiots. They are our counterparts and our world would be better off if we remembered that, respected it, and helped build them up instead of tearing them down.

My husband is incredible. Together we are an unstoppable force. Where I am weak, he is strong. Where he is weak, I am strong. God put us together for a beautiful reason, and that's a big one. We complement each other. We fit together like a puzzle. If one of us was missing the picture wouldn't be complete.

What my husband isn't is perfect. He has his issues just like I have mine. In fact, he has grown incredibly in our marriage and is a shadow of the image he used to be. I love that about him. He saw his issues and fixed them. He works on them each day, trying to move closer to who God wants him to be. So, don't discount what I say thinking, "yeah well, if I had a perfect husband like you, it would be easy". Girlfriend, it wasn't easy. We were both carrying a lot of luggage with a lot of junk in them when we got married. It took us a long time to work through all of it and to stop hurting each other. We are in a much better place now, having come through the fire. So, I know what I am talking about on that end.

Yes, there are men out there who are making horrible choices. But they don't outnumber women who are making horrible choices. We all make them, some more than others. So, instead of bashing men, find men who are making sound choices and choose them for a mate. If you decided to choose one of those who is living life in an nutty way, well, you chose that so it's time to hang on for the wild ride and do the right thing. You pray for him, love him, respect him, don't nag him, don't hound him, and don't put him down (to his face or behind his back). But we have got to stop tearing men down.

When we make fun of them without end, why are we upset when they live up to our endless ridicule? How would we feel if that ecard above said, "women are stupid, if you forget just give them a minute, they'll remind you"? Hmm yeah, hurts doesn't it.

How about it most TV shows showed idiot women who could only do something right if a man was fully in charge and telling them how stupid they were? Oh, don't like it when the shoe is on the other foot?

What about men blogging, endlessly, about how inept women are and how men don't even really need women and how to get what you want from one and then ditch her the first chance you can? Oh, ouch.

Well then why do we do it to our guys? I hear women just harping on their husbands, making jokes to their girlfriends about them, posting meme after meme like the one above. Oh, and add in how so many talk publicly about how "hot" another man is, and it's an all out attack on our men. (oh, but those men better not have a thought about how pretty another woman is or else!!)

So, let's woman up and do what God wants. If you hear jokes or junk about guys, correct it or walk away. Don't participate. Love your husband, respect him, honor him, cherish him, pray for him, and lift him up to our Heavenly Father every chance you get. Let him know he's your one and only and that you know how important he is to you and your family. He doesn't have to be perfect before you do this. You aren't perfect. Want him to love you anyway? Yeah, well, the reverse is true.

People often live up to our expectations of them. Men are no different.

**This is NOT speaking about men or women who are abusing their spouses. If your husband or wife is abusing you, get help now. Call a women's shelter or the police and get help.

When Life Gets Hard

"I feel like I am hitting my head against a brick wall". I have heard it many times. I have said it many times. In the Autism journey you can feel like you have not only hit your head into that proverbial wall, but like you have been knocked out more than once.

My advice to you is stop. Stop banging your head for just one minute.

Pull your head away from the wall.

Open your eyes.

Look to your left. Look to your right.

Every wall has a door. Find that door and open it. There's no reason to continue hitting your head when you can turn a door knob and leave that entire room.

We have done this many times. It wasn't until I stopped banging that I found the door to open. It wasn't until I stopped the senseless acts that were causing me so much frustration that I could find the door. It wasn't until I gave it to God through prayer that He gave me enough to strength to stand up and find an exit.

I spoke to my husband who knew someone who was just banging away and banging hard. I told him to tell them this advice. Just stop the ramming and start looking for that door. It's there, find it and see what's on the other side.

Happy Hanukkah

Tonight, at sundown, begins the beautiful Hanukkah season.

Happy Hanukkah. "Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life." John 8:12

We celebrate not because we are waiting on Messiah to arrive, but because we know He has. On this day our family... wants to wish you all the blessings of Hanukkah and we pray our Lord, Jesus Christ, will bless you during this season.

Over 2,000 years ago God blessed His people with a miracle that lasted 8 days. Tonight, and for 7 nights afterwards, we remember that miracle and worship the one who created it.

After we light the Shamash (the candle that lights all others, it means helper), and hold it with the single flame, we will say three blessings before lighting the first Hanukkah candle. This is the first of the three: "Barukh attah Adonai. Blessed art thou, Lord our God, King of the universe, who has given us holidays, customs, and seasons for gladness, for the glory of the Lord our Messiah, the light of the world".

Happy Hanukkah.