Mother's Day in an Alien Land

Before I was convicted about some of my movie watching, I saw Twilight. I remember a scene where Bella and Edward and his brother were trying to get her to safety. They were driving in her truck running from a very dangerous situation. She looked out the window to see, in slow motion, her high school friends all coming out of a local coffee shop/diner. They were happy, laughing, just going on with their typical teen lives and she felt so outside of that, so removed from it, like that was her life and now this is. She felt alien to it.

That's so often what it feels like to be a special needs Mom. This weekend as families celebrated mother's day with flowers, fun meals, laughter, and more. I was giving my child with pale skin and huge dark circles under his eyes a breathing treatment trying to help him stop coughing so hard he couldn't breathe. I was giving him tube feeds because food just wasn't in the picture. I saw Moms, as I went to the pharmacy and the ER, laughing with their kids, walking with them, wearing cute skirts, and just having a wonderful weekend. I don't wish they knew this life. I am glad they have THAT life. It's just that it feels so alien to me to see such a relaxed situation, such ease, and I feel so removed from it.

Even when we were in the ER I saw parents bring in children with some typical pains and illnesses of childhood (a young girl got hurt on the soccer field, a young child woke up with a little fever and a slight cough but he was young and Mom was nervous, and a third child had a rash). I pray each of them feels 100% better today. But even then I felt so removed. I was wondering if the hospital had medicine that was safe for my son (sometimes they don't). I was contemplating how to get the medical food to the hospital because I DEFINITELY knew they didn't have his medical food for his tube feeds. I was praying we had a doctor/nurse/staff that wouldn't use the N word (needle) because that would set him off and I needed to prep him for anything that would hurt. I prayed he wouldn't beg me, AGAIN, to not "let them do this to me Mommy, please." because my Mom heart couldn't handle it.

I love my boys, as they say, to the moon and back. I adore them. I would walk this journey with them for a thousand years if that's what they needed and I had the ability. But it just seems the world keeps on turning, people keep living and breathing and smiling and laughing, and wearing cute dresses with kids in matching outfits and I am walking around with a thousand thoughts in my head wondering if anyone notices the medical food I spilled on my pants that morning as the med port of the extension popped open.

I am not looking for sympathy. It's just the feelings I have each day. I am so grateful I have a God that loves me through these raw feelings, these feelings of being so removed from reality and gives me strength to face another day of it.

A Day Without Women - My Take

I wrote this yesterday in response to the "A Day Without Women" event going on today.

Tomorrow is "A Day Without Women" day. I will be honoring it in the following ways:

• I promise to hug my children in the morning in a way only a Mom can hug.
• I promise to worship my God as a woman after His own heart.
• I promise to love and devote myself to my husband as only a wife can do.
• I promise to be a sister, daughter, and girlfriend to my friends as only a woman can do in a time of need or pain. 
• I promise to educate my kids as a Mom is called to do.
• I promise to be the woman God called me to be.

I am not doing this to SUPPORT "A Day Without Women", I am doing it to show that my family never has to worry about such things as I will ALWAYS show up for "work" as a woman, a God designed and honoring woman. I will celebrate March 8 not by checking out, but by checking in.

Judge Not ... (not what you think)

Judging others has become almost an art form in our society. We base our opinions about people on their looks, their clothes, their manner of speech, their children, their lack of children, the number of children they have, their husband/wife, their job, their home, their car, the number of credit cards in their wallet, the list goes on!

But, out of all the judging in the world, Moms seem to not only be the worse but have it pretty bad. We judge each other for everything, down to the hair on our kids heads. Worst of all, however, we judge ourselves the harshest.

We constantly compare ourselves to other Moms out there. They all seem to be doing it better than we are. We see a tiny snippet of their lives (and I do mean tiny) and think they are doing it so much better than we are, and it needs to stop. That's the enemy talking, tearing us down, hurting us which, in turn, hurts our children.

Look Moms, we are all in this together. Each of us has our strengths and weaknesses. No Mom has it all figured out. None. We all need to stand together and support one another. We need to hold each other up in prayer and when we see a Mom struggling, that nose we like to look down needs to be lowered so we can see a Mom in need. We need to soften our hearts with God's help and love our neighbor (Mom). We need to stop looking at the Mom in the store with two crying children begging for candy and assume maybe they skipped their naps due to an emergency and Mom is just here trying to pick up a few things for supper after spending a long day dealing with something unplanned. We need to not look down our noses at the woman whose child is wearing no shoes and has unbrushed hair thinking maybe that little guy just tossed his shoes off in the car for the umpteenth time and Mom just finally packed them in the diaper bag to save a little of her sanity.

Hmm, sound familiar?

No matter how well coifed another Mom's hair is, no matter how pretty her kids perfect dresses are, no matter how well they walk hand-in-hand in the store, you didn't see that she wrestled with them for 45 minutes sweating bullets to get those outfits on them. You don't know that this is the one day every few months she actually makes it to the salon and since they styled her hair just before she walked in the store, it still looks good. But, give her another half hour and it will be all over the place. You didn't see that her perfect children had been throwing toys at each other all morning and she just wanted to hide in the bathroom because she was sure she was messing her children up each and every day.

Hmm, sound even more familiar?

Or, even more importantly, you see that Mom at the store who you can tell is at the end of her rope, a child is melting down in her cart, another is tugging at her skirt, she's trying to pick up some produce, and you can tell she just wants to go into a corner and cry. Her reason doesn't matter. Maybe it's special needs issues, maybe medical for one of them, herself, her husband, another family member. Maybe her husband just left, died, or is never home. Maybe she is lacking so much confidence that she just needs someone to come along side her, put an arm around her shoulder and tell her she can do this. God will lead her and she CAN love and parent these children. You just don't know. So, instead of putting your nose in the air, bow your head. Pray for her to be filled, to receive what she needs, and to know she is a child of God that is loved beyond measure. And, if the opportunity arrives, smile at her. Maybe tell her you know how hard it is and are praying for her. Maybe just give that Mom look that speaks volumes such as "been there, you got this".

It all comes from love. Do we have the love of God or not? If we do, it should radiate from us, especially to other Moms. We are in their shoes. They are the people we should easily relate to in this world. Let's not hurt each other in the way we do. The little decisions we make don't matter. What matters is our Heavenly Father's love for us and for them.